FX for good news

Nervous about today's doctor's appointment. As much as I have accepted that this baby is probably not going to make it, I have the same amount of hope that maybe it will. I mean, there's a chance. Even if it's a small chance...


I know I'm crazy, but I feel like I can already see a change in my stomach. Which is probably just fat. But I keep thinking that it will be like the movie The Santa Clause, and I'll roll out of bed one morning and just be HUGE overnight. Ha.

Cookin

HCG went up to 1382 on Wednesday, so at least we're still going up. I think I overestimated my due date as well, so I'm only 5 weeks, not 6. That makes me feel a little better, numbers-wise. I still constantly feel like I'm about to miscarry (which is not a fun feeling), but trying my hardest to remain calm. The fact that my doctor already thinks I'm a crazy person helps - no way am I calling him with any questions. I'm tired and have to pee a lot, but I'm always tired and have to pee a lot. But the one new fun symptom is how huge my boobs have become. They are sore as hell, but damn. A girl could get used to this. My areolas (ew) are so big I started cracking up in the bathroom when I first noticed. Like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. So that's fun...

Slow-cooker? Or just raw?

Still pregnant. And still not up to the levels I'm supposed to be. HCG was 290 and yesterday 738. So all weekend I prepared for the worst - miscarriage or ectopic, but hoping for the former. (Well, not "hoping" for either, but you know what I mean.) Went in today for an ultrasound, and to my surprise the doctor saw the gestational sac. Now, he didn't see the yolk sac or the fetal pole (whatever the hell that is), but at least it's not ectopic. And I'm stunned that he was able to see ANYTHING with my low levels. So almost 6 weeks, have more bloodwork tomorrow and another dr's appt next Wednesday. Cook, butter bean! Cook!

Confusion 101

Well, I AM pregnant. I just don't know how LONG I'll be pregnant. My first HCG was 58, which is about average. My second was 131, which is a little low (should have been 180-220). Have a third one Thursday, plus a scan with the doctor to see if the butter bean is progressing. If not, I did get the loan for IVF, so at least I have a back-up plan. Ha - just like the J.Lo movie The Back-up Plan!

Curses

Perhaps I celebrated too soon. Started having pretty heavy discharge yesterday (sorry tmi) and it is still happening today. Talked to my doctor, and unfortunately there's nothing I can do but wait. I had bloodwork done yesterday but still don't know the results, and I will go back Monday for another round (barring any tragic incident over the weekend like the start of my damn period). But this sucks. I don't know if it was a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage or if it's something okay like implantation bleeding. And Googling it on the internet only tells you so much. Wish I could drink wine...

Leroy FTW

Well, this happened yesterday:

And this happened today:

Can't get too excited, as I still need to get the blood test to confirm, and like 1000 bad things could still happen, but yay. YAY!

Swim like Ryan Lochte, little guys. (And look like him too)

Had IUIs Thursday and Friday, and the timing was pretty perfect. I had all the follicles Thursday, but at the ultrasound Friday, all but one on the left had released just moments before. Still doesn't mean this will work, but my doctor said it was the best we could have hoped for. The only problem: he didn't save any sperm to look at under the microscope, so I have no idea if it was a good sample or not, but come on. All it really takes is one. Not sure why people brag about 85 million of the little guys. I'd be happy with 10. Of course, after watching this video on the struggle of a sperm's journey, I probably would be happier with 300 million. But what can you do. I didn't work out Friday or Saturday, which was tough, and had really bad cramps Friday and Saturday nights. Not feeling particularly confident this time - why would it work on the 5th when it didn't work on 1-4, but all I can do is wait.


I also asked my doctor about IVF - looks like it's about $15K, but the "amazing" embryologist he works with is super religious and won't perform an IVF on single women or same-sex couples. I find this to be quite ludicrous - who are YOU to deny me medical treatment because I happen to not have a husband?? So not sure what that will mean, but I won't have that kind of money for another year anyway, so not going to worry about it. Yet.