Hanging in. Barely.

Good lord this waiting is tough. Monday's ultrasound feels an eternity away. Trying not to think about it too much (ha) and trying to stay off the internet (haha), but it's tough.

And baby fever is back - two good friends are pregnant, and both were hesitant to tell me. This makes me sad, even though I know they were just trying to protect my feelings. Girls. I am used to disappointment. Constant announcements of "in a relationship," "engaged," "married," "pregnant" and "pregnant AGAIN!" for the last 15 years has toughened me up.

Still hoping for a miracle with Bubbles. There's no reason it should work this time, but there's a chance it will, right?? RIGHT??

#teambubbles

Symptomspotting. The sequel to Trainspotting.

Because everyone does it, I of course obsess over symptoms. Last week, I didn't really have any. A weird night where I had red itchy bumps all over my body which mysteriously were gone the next morning. (Of course, I feared bedbugs and nearly burned my mattress in effigy.)

And the night before I decided to test for the first time, my dog slept with her head on my stomach. Which she never does. Thought maybe that was a sign.

This week, again not much. A few pangs and twinges in my abdomen, and some general nausea, but nothing very impressive. Which of course has me worried. But my mom said she never had ANY symptoms (no morning sickness, no sore boobs, no nothing) - aside from a ridiculous craving for cherry pie.

Bring it on.

Numbers game

Beta results from Friday: 186. (Anything over 50 is pregnant.) Of course, I've been here before. (Not quite this high, however.) Where I seem to have trouble is getting the HCG to double every 48 hours. So anxiously awaiting the results from today.

Aside from some pulls and pangs in my abdomen, I feel fine - which of course also has me concerned. Shouldn't my boobs be sore by now? Shouldn't I be feeling nauseous?? My poor mom wants to kill me already. Too bad I can't drink. Ha.

Feeling pretty positive

It's been a long week. Morning after morning, squinting to see a second line. Finally I caved and bought a digital test. This morning:

So Bubbles is in there. Of course, I've seen this twice before and it hasn't gone well, so I'm not letting myself get excited. Still have to get the blood test tomorrow to confirm. Then repeated blood tests next week to see if my HCG levels are doubling like they should (and they typically don't, so next week will be stressful as well). And then that first ultrasound around week 6 where god willing I see a normal looking something. Which I have not been lucky enough to see thus far. Come on Bubbles. #teambubbles

The struggle is real

Dating while possibly/secretly pregnant is tough.

You can't drink.
You can't eat sushi.
You can't do anything active like indoor skydiving/go-kart driving/rock wall climbing/rollercoaster riding (not that you would want to, but still).

And you can't say why. Which just makes you look like a total boring loser. Awesome.

Meet Bubbles.

Isn't she cute??

I sort of freaked when I saw this on Wednesday - it looks 100% different than last time. (Also, it looks like twins...) But it's not. It's my little girl embryo, hatching on her own. Aw. Such a go-getter already.

Also...95% sure I saw a second line on the pregnancy test this morning. It's still way early, but will keep testing every morning because I'm just that crazy.

#teambubbles

Almost there

Transfer date is Wednesday! First lining check was 7.4, second was 7.6 (they ideally want it to be 8). Hoping this final week pushes me closer to 8 (although in my mind, I'm like "round up - close enough!"). Started the dreaded progesterone in oil shots in my ass on Thursday, and although it's sore, it's not nearly as bad as last time. I'm sitting on a heating pad for about 5 minutes afterwards - guess it's helping! Have acupuncture the morning of the transfer and then again on Saturday. Blood test 4/28. GAH. So close, but yet....