The longest day(s)

Man this waiting sucks. I feel like I'm probably not pregnant - shouldn't I be "feeling" something? - but then again, it's only been 5 days. Haha. I did have cramps Wed-Thurs, and then excruciating pain Friday night, which was scary/encouraging, but then I had major breakouts on my face on Sat-Sun so I assume that's PMS. But in all honesty, who the F knows. My body was pumped with so many hormones/meds over the past two weeks, it's probably confused as all get out. As am I. Have to pick up a prescription at the drug store tomorrow, so I think I'm going to buy my Very First Pregnancy Test and hide it away until Sunday. (yeah right)

The eagle has landed.

Just got back from the insemination. I may or may not have given my uterus a pep talk on the drive over: "You have ONE job. Just do me this tiny favor and I promise to take good care of you (and all other organs) in the future. Goooo team." And of course I watched this scene last night before bed:
https://youtu.be/65BV5dXXxzM

Now to watch this: https://youtu.be/Bq62yJLrQn4

If I don't start my period by March 7, I am supposed to call the doctor, but can't take a pregnancy test until March 6. And the infamous Two Week Wait begins.

Baby steps...(literally)

Everything looked good yesterday - my lining is once again "textbook" - and I've got four nice-sized follicles in there ready to go. Of course, that meant I had to get the "what would you do if you have four babies" speech, but it seems very unlikely that that would happen. Four just gives me better odds of having one. So I left my "special delivery" at the doctor's office, gave myself the trigger shot last night, and tomorrow is the big insemination day! Although I have given myself shots before (when I donated my eggs back in 2000), as the minutes ticked by last night I started getting nervous. But it didn't hurt or even bleed at all, so I would consider that a success. Still thinking this probably won't work the first time, but trying to think positively...AAAAACK

Special delivery

Yep, the sperm arrived at my doorstep on Saturday. In a giant 22-pound box labeled "Perishable." Ha. I kind of freaked out on Friday about how to care for this stuff, so I called the cryobank and was reassured that I didn't need to put it in the freezer. It actually reminded me of the Gremlins (and I told him so):
1. Keep it room temperature
2. Keep it upright
3. Keep it away from direct sunlight

So there it sat all weekend - and today it got to ride in my car since I have a doctor's appt this afternoon. I did take a picture with it - hell, this could be my first family photo:

Let's DO this

Went to the dr yesterday and have a 15mm and a 16mm follicle on the left, and 2 12's (and a 9) on the right. My lining is a little thin, so now I'm on estrogen to fatten things up. I got the go ahead to ship the "stuff" (why can't I say sperm without giggling??), and it will arrive at my doorstep by noon tomorrow. I'm testing my pee with ovulation sticks every day, and I'm to call the dr if I get a positive. If not, I have an appt on Monday and if the 12's have gotten bigger we're going to move forward. (We better move forward - I spent $1200 on this package and I'm using it, dammit!)

More to come...

Turning a negative into a positive

Went to the dr last week and he put me on Clomid prior to my next appointment next week. He also mentioned that I was CMV negative, and therefore should find a donor who was also negative. I had never even heard of CMV and was shocked that half of the population has it! Including my first choice donor, but luckily (or not), his samples were completely sold out. (Who all is buying this stuff up? #hoarders) So it was back to the drawing board, and I found a CMV negative donor who I am super excited about. Went ahead and bought it to avoid another sell-out, and now just waiting to get the go-ahead to ship! (Um, who knew it cost almost $300 to ship? Jesus. I could have flown to California to pick it up myself for that price!)

Be Supportive. B-E Supportive. B-E-S-U-P-P-O-R-T-I-V-E

Hey - that totally fits into the Be Aggressive cheer! Just saying.

I talked to my friend's friend last night - she is 36 and did IUI and has an adorable 6-month-old named Jonah. She was so kind and honest, but said she has never regretted her decision and is so in love with the baby (obviously). She did donor sperm as well, and got pregnant on the 4th try. She mentioned looking into a local SMBC group for added support, but is making it work. So impressed and inspired, and looking forward to try #1...

You is smart, you is important...

The more I let people know my plans, the more stories I hear about friends of friends who have gone through this. And although some have very positive stories to tell, others are not so positive. A co-worker told me yesterday that she has one friend who had a baby on her own and he is now 5. Although she loves her son, she totally regrets doing it on her own. And the co-worker had ANOTHER friend who has a two month old and can't stop crying. (To me, that sounds more like post partum depression than regretting being a SMBC - single mom by choice! - but what do I know.)

I'm going to call one woman who did it on her own to get her story, and I'm hoping it won't make me want to drink (too) heavily or cower under the covers for a week. I mean, I know this is going to be the toughest thing I've ever done or ever will do, but come on. I can do this.  #right??

Outbreak

So this Zika thing has got me panicked. Of course the one year I decide to try to have a baby, there's a worldwide epidemic (or is it a pandemic yet??). And already one case in Texas (where I live). I am going to buy a ton of mosquito repellent and wear long sleeves (until it's 100 degrees and I can't stank it), but last summer I got bit through my clothes. So not sure what I'm supposed to do about that. AACK