I am a terrible person

After almost 15 years of friends getting married and having babies, I am ashamed to say it's hard for me to be excited for people anymore. And it's 100% because I'm jealous. "Oh, you're pregnant with baby #3? Good for you." "You're renewing your vows for your 10-year anniversary? How lovely." (Cue eye roll.) I hate this about myself, but it's hard when everyone is attaining the dreams you had for yourself every day, on Facebook. and you wonder if your own dreams will ever actually come true. My lowest point came on Christmas, when my brother announced that he and his wife are expecting. They have been trying for two years, and it's a really big deal - and I burst into tears. And they weren't tears of joy. After standing in the snow for an hour, I finally pulled myself together enough to apologize and realized I am really excited about being an aunt for the first time. Man I'm going to spoil that kid. But deep in the pit of my stomach, the jealousy was still there, lurking. I liken it to the scene on Friends where Rachel and Phoebe are talking about Monica and Chandler getting married. They quickly go from being 98% happy and 2% jealous to 90-10. #beenthere