Martha Stewart, beware

My doctor told me to be careful in the kitchen over the holidays because they see lots of women after Christmas with burns on their stomachs who forget how big they are and run into stovetops/cookie sheets/etc. I would laugh, but I have run into a few walls and doors because my depth perception is off. Ouch.

37 weeks

Well, the baby is tipping the scales at approx 6lbs 14oz, which seems enormous. Especially considering people are still not noticing that I'm pregnant. I went to a dermatologist last week and the nurse walked me into the exam room and asked, "is there a chance you might be pregnant?" Stunned, I stared for a second. "Um, yes. There's a pretty good chance." Seriously??

Friends have been so generous - I have gotten bags of little girl clothes that their children have outgrown. I guess that's one benefit to waiting this long - everyone else is done having kids. Still, thank you. So appreciative.

36 (!) weeks

Because I'm still confused by how many weeks you are versus how many months you are, I think I still have another week before I'm officially 9 months pregnant. But still. 36 weeks. It feels like forever. But when you include the IVF stuff, it really will be like a year. Me and the elephant. Awesome.

We hit up Buy Buy Baby over the weekend and bought the rest of the stuff I needed wanted. And it was a bit obscene, tbh:

I'm still feeling pretty good, aside from a gross itchy rash that has appeared on my calves and ankles. I don't know what Braxton Hicks feel like, but I have had some intermittent tightening so maybe that's what it is? Who the F knows. Gained 22 lbs according to my scale; 24 according to my dr's scale (so I will obviously be going with mine), but still have 4 weeks and I'm sure several more pounds to go. My mom continues to make fat jokes - today even asked how I managed to get into the sweater coat I'm wearing. ("A feat of science" was my response.)

See you soon, Georgie!!

GAH!

Look how "big" her hands and feet are! Compared to the tiny dots they used to be...crazy.

Sorry, kid

I feel bad for this kid. I really do. Whenever I panic about not feeling her move enough, I pound sugar or rub (poke?) my belly until I feel her kick. She's probably asleep and here I am, punching on her and putting chemicals into her system. Ah well - she might as well get used to it. #sorrynotsorry #maybealittlesorry

34 weeks

Getting closer! She weighs 5 and a half pounds, which is insane to me. And she still looks pretty weirdo in the sonograms, which is only slightly concerning. She'll be cute, right? Or at least I'll think she's cute, and no one will tell me the truth so I'll think everyone thinks she's cute? (Am I a terrible person for even putting this out there?? Prolly.) Have my work shower on Friday, and then I'm planning to hit Buy Buy Baby and Target pretty hard over the weekend to get any last things I "need" (aka things I think I need but most likely do not). Nursery is done, although we need to lower the crib spring and aren't entirely sure how to do that. Then again, she won't be sleeping in there for months so no huge deal, although it would be nice to have that all ready to go. High-risk sonograms are weekly from here on out, and I have one more bimonthly (?) OB appt in two weeks but after that those are weekly as well. But amazingly, today I paid NOTHING at either appointment. Thanks, insurance! (About damn time, but whatev)

Bring on the last 5 weeks!

33 weeks

Baby is the size of a pineapple. Not to alarm anyone, but that's BIG. She weighs about 4lbs 6oz and refuses to show her face in sonograms anymore. (Is this really my child? I post a TON of photos of myself...) And good news - the 4.5 lbs went away. Crisis averted. I'm now on bellybutton watch - i.e. when will it become an outtie - I feel like it's being stretched to its limits at the moment.

Baby shower was so lovely - so many sweet friends who are basically family came and my mom made my cry (what else is new). Have a work shower on December 1 and then it's hopefully smooth sailing until January. Unless GCS decides to come early. Finished packing my hospital bag just in case...

Weight a second

So I somehow gained 4.5 pounds since yesterday. Which has rocketed me into a new set of numbers on the scale that I am not exactly comfortable with. (Still makes my total weight gain around 23 pounds, but STILL.) You can't gain 4.5 pounds overnight, right?? RIGHT????

Week 30 (almost 31)

Well, it's officially obvious. I look like I shoved a basketball under my shirt. Haven't had a stranger touch my stomach yet (yay), but people at work have. Went to my now bi-monthly doctor's appointments yesterday (yes, two back-to-back), and she weighs almost 4 pounds. She was being very uncooperative, though - back turned and head facing away. Someone is not a morning person. That will have to change, since I am...

Also found a daycare, thank goodness. Will be starting her there around 6 months unless my mom realizes caring for an infant is ridiculously hard; then it will be earlier. :)

Cravings. Paging cravings.

10.5 weeks to go, and I still feel nauseous most of the time. Plus the burping and hiccupping - I'm a delight to be around! But seriously with the morning sickness. Enough already. I never feel hungry - just force myself to eat because I know I have to - and I guess I won't be getting cravings at all. Which kind of sucks - was looking forward to a 6-piece chicken mcnugget or something. But no. This could explain why I've only gained 15 pounds I guess. So thanks for that, Georgie?

Lip service

So in all honesty I want this baby to be healthy. But also semi-cute. And for some reason her top lip looks weird to me in all the sonograms (not a cleft palate, but it's just really big). See her latest pic, taken yesterday at 28weeks 5 days:

I mean she's cute, but is there a bottom lip??

But then I compared it side by side to a pic of me as a baby:

Annnnnd twins. I clearly have an upper lip situation happening as well. Yay?

Stretchy pants FTW

It's finally cool enough to wear jeans (although it will be 90 again by Friday, but let's not spoil the pumpkin spice vibe just yet), so I am rocking maternity jeans for the first time. And They. Are. Glorious. I mean you just pull them on like sweatpants. I could 100% see me wearing these for life. You're welcome, boys.

Extra! Extra!

So this came out yesterday...

A friend of mine is friends with the editor of DFW Child, a free publication that you can find in doctors' offices, and they were looking for first-time moms. Enter Sarah. Plus I don't think they spotlight single moms very often, so enter Sarah again. The photoshoot at my house was awkward and the interview got a little more personal than I remembered - plus the baby's name is now out there for all to see (although I'm calling her Georgie, which they failed to mention) - but I guess there's no shame in this game. Plus a friend who is a professional baby photographer offered to do a newborn shoot for free, so #winning!

Photo op

Forgot to add pics from last week's scan:

Her top lip looks huge - hoping it normals out? Just want her to be healthy. And, you know, cute.

25 weeks

So I am still squeezing into "normal" clothes, but I have to admit I couldn't get my skirt zipped up all the way today. I think I just want to get as much wear out of my clothing before I have like 5 total maternity outfits to wear for the remaining 3 months. (As a rule, I rarely wear the same thing twice, so this will be a struggle!)

Several people at work have come up to me this week and whispered, "are you pregnant??" I guess it's getting more obvious. My question - when can I park in the expectant mother parking space? Because, priorities.

Also, the fruit and vegetable comparisons to tell you how big the baby is are getting more random. This week: rutabaga. WTF is a rutabaga.

A preview of things to come

Went to A Pea in the Pod last night because it's really about time I started wearing maternity clothes, let's be honest. The store was so cute - they offered us bottled water and there was a restroom (women's, obvi) right in the front because pregnant ladies have to pee. But the craziest part was actually trying on the clothes - they leave a belly pad in the dressing room so you can shove it underneath to see how things will look when you get bigger. The one I had was "7 months" - and seeing myself like that made me break into a cold sweat. Seriously I almost had a nervous breakdown. I was like, "I won't be THIS big!" And my mom was like "um, actually you'll probably be bigger." DEAR GOD. #wakeupcall

Insert shocked emoji face here

So this guy that I was interested in back in Feb/March (right when I was doing IVF) resurfaced over the weekend, and today asked if he could start flirting with me again. I told him he sure could, but he might not want to - I am having a baby. Took him like 20 minutes to respond, but after he asked a few questions and ascertained that there was in fact no dad, he said he has a thing for pregnant women.

.....

Now, this is not the first time I have heard this. But I truly do not get it. I could NOT feel more unattractive. But thanks I guess? Had I known this was a thing, I should have gotten knocked up years ago!

Paging Sir Mix-a-lot

Although I can still wear (most of) my normal clothes, I did have to suck it up and go buy bigger sports bras and underwear over the weekend. One pair of undies is an XL, people. XL. Sigh. And so it begins.

#9poundsup #???togo

21 weeks

Wore a tight dress to work on Friday, and got a couple of weird looks in the stomach region. Still think people are wondering if I'm just getting fat. Sigh.

I am putting a freeze on the baby clothes purchasing. It's getting out of control guys. But they're just so cute! This kid may or may not already have a better closet than me: Missoni. Ralph Lauren. Catherine Malandrino. Burberry. (Not paying retail, but still.) Stop the madness!!

Also madness? The baby kicks. They are more frequent now and it's both the weirdest and coolest thing ever. Going to try to record my stomach moving at some point. Because that is BEYOND trippy.

Yoga Baby

Saw Bubbles today for my 20 week sonogram - everything looks great, including her flexibility. Y'all - her legs are literally over her head!

Impressive stuff, little lady.

Also had a dream last night that I had a baby. It was a boy, so not THIS baby, but it was awesome. I woke up so happy. I have had previous dreams where I lose the baby and even one where the baby was all of a sudden 3 and I was wondering why I didn't get the infant period, but this was the first one where I had a tiny baby and things were going swimmingly. Here's hoping it was a preview of things to come...

Personal growth

Big milestones this week - felt the baby kick (unless that was gas, but it's happened enough that I choose to believe it's kicking), and had to unbutton my damn pants at work. Ha.

The truth is out there, but I don't think I want to know

"Babymoon" was fun, although no one could really tell I was pregnant so I didn't go announcing it to the world. I'm almost 20 weeks - halfway there! - but I am still so freaking nervous about something going wrong. I guess because every time I open up Facebook there's a tragic story about loss. From Vienna (Bachelor) losing her twins to the woman who accidentally smothered her baby in the hospital - I can't win! Plus the horrific things I find when I Google. I was itchy when I got back from the trip - most likely because I managed to get super sunburned (whoops) and was about to peel - but I Googled it and learned it could be a liver problem which leads to stillbirths. DEAR GOD. I just had an itch.

So moral of the story: I might just have to go Amish for the next five months and y'all can fill me in on everything I missed. The good stuff, please. Not the horrible nightmare-inducing stuff. Thanks.

Scaling up

So had a doctor's apt today. I basically have two per month - one at the high-risk clinic where I get the cool sonogram and DVD, and the one today at my OB's office, where they take my blood pressure, weight and find the baby's heartbeat, then send me on my merry way. I also have to meet different doctors each time, since there are 7 who could possibly deliver my baby and one who I went to middle school and high school with who I have been avoiding. Not that he's a bad doctor. But it's just a little...oogy.

A month ago, I was down 2.5 pounds from my first visit. And this time I gained 4. Which puts me at a net gain of one-two pounds total at nearly 18 weeks. But considering I lost weight during the first trimester, I have really gained about 10. And I did eat an entire pizza Friday night. Not gonna lie, kinda proud of that. Dessert? I mean, if I must. #doctorsorders

Pregnant Pause

So I was all excited yesterday - my friend and I bought Groupons to Spa Castle, a Korean bath-house type place with all these pools and baths. Totally what you need when it's over 100 degrees outside. But to my dismay, we drove all the way out there to learn that all of the pools were saunas and I couldn't use any of them. Boo. (Besides - who wants a hot tub when it's 100 outside??) By the time I can actually go, the Groupon will be expired. Can't believe I didn't even think about that being a possibility. #momfail

17 weeks but who's counting (I am)

Had my monthly sonogram on Wednesday and got to see Bubbles again! She has doubled in size in just two weeks - gone from 3 ounces to 7 (and I think at this point she's supposed to be 5, so she's tipping the scales)! I am so convinced every time they look at her brain, heart etc. that something is going to be wrong, but the doctor said everything just looks great. She has little leg bones - although I probably won't feel her kicks for another few weeks since my placenta is in the front - and I saw her kidneys and her spine and the four chambers of her heart and her little toes and balled up fists. COME ON PEOPLE. I am finally back to my starting weight, so we'll see what my doctor says next week when I have to get on the scale. No one can really tell I'm pregnant yet (boo), but the bump looks HUGE to me. So there's that.

Now back to you

So today I'm being interviewed by the local NBC affiliate about being a single mom by choice. My friend is a producer at the station, and she talked to the health reporter about my story after seeing my announcement on social media. I'm happy to share (obviously) and hope I don't look like too much of a tool.

Rounding things out. Emphasis on "round"

15 weeks - finally got my appetite back. As proven in Chicago when I ate an entire small pizza by myself. Still haven't gained any weight, which I don't understand, but I'm sure that will come sooner than later and I will be remembering with fondness when I could wear my "normal" clothes. (I did bring maternity jeans to Chicago but kept having to hike them up. Plus, they were hot!!)

I did notice a new and not so fun symptom last night: swollen feet. I thought that didn't happen until the end, but when I took off my shoes my feet looked like hobbit feet. Yikes. So I have pulled a speaker under my desk to prop up my feet during the day. So high maintenance!!

Good thing, since I already bought the crib bedding

Got the genetic test results back: healthy baby girl!! Let the shopping commence.

R you kidding me

Went to Babies R Us for the first time over the weekend - well, the first time I wasn't shopping for someone else's registry. My mom and I kind of browsed through the aisles and I nearly had a panic attack. How does something so tiny need all of these gear?? And where does it go in the house?? Luckily, I had already added most of things I saw to my rough draft registry, but still. Also enjoyed the random snacks in the check-out aisle like Pringles. Assuming that's for mom or mom-to-be. Might add THOSE to the registry.

I mean, my baby might be advanced.

Went today for the genetic testing, and was super nervous - but got a sonogram and it was AMAZING. She was showing off all her skills - hand on her head like "woe is me," mouth open and closed, dancing around like a wild woman, and feet crossed.

Oh, and this.

Not sure if she's flexing her tiny muscle or giving a fist bump, but I choose to believe #shepersisted.

Let's try again in like 6 months

Drove to church with my mom on Sunday, and we got there a few minutes late. So she decided to park in the Expectant Mother parking space! I was like, "um, I don't think this counts if you're 11 weeks and barely showing..." But she didn't seem to care. I feel like taking advantage of this AT CHURCH of all places was probably not the best idea, so I said a few extra prayers just in case.

Gimme (tiny) five

Last week of the first trimester! I noticed a bump in week 10, and now in week 11 I really have a bump. Getting harder to hide this at work - thanks, flowy tops! Not announcing until my birthday, though, so still have 3 more weeks. (Of course, most of my friends already know because I'm a blabbermouth.)

I feel 100% better this week as well, although not sleeping much. But no more nausea and I have energy back, which is always nice. I bought one of those home fetal Doppler things because I'm insane, so I can check the heartbeat. Which I may or may not do every day. 140 and holding!

I can't get over this app. It shows you how big the baby's hands and feet are each week, in relation to how big they will be at birth. AAACK!

The (nausea) struggle is real

Holy crap, the nausea. Now, I haven't felt great since 5 weeks - just a general lack of appetite - but now at 10 weeks, BOOM. Nausea all day (and night). Still no puking, thank goodness - but man. I've lost 10 pounds, simply because the thought of putting any food in my mouth is too gross to handle. I am not complaining, mind you - feel like this is a good sign that the baby is doing well - but dear god. Thought it would be getting better as I neared the end of the first trimester. Perhaps not. Touche, Bubbles.

I did have a vanilla bean popsicle from Steel City Pops yesterday that was a total game-changer and could very well get me through the next few weeks, however. Best $3 I've ever spent.

Due date set!

9 weeks tomorrow and the ultrasound went great today. Bubbles is right on track, measurement-wise, and was wiggling around like a gummy bear. Her heartrate was 190! Love my doctor - she's my age and seems super cool. My due date is 1/5/18 - hoping to go in 2017 for insurance/tax purposes, haha.

But yaaaaaay Bubbles! Keep growing strong!

In the trenches

So this holiday weekend was a wash - not because of the weather; because I felt so bad. I took two hour naps every day and ate so little that I'm down to my goal weight. Which I know is not good - actually felt a twinge of hunger today so I'm worried/glad about that.

Also, the progesterone in oil shots in my ass are getting old. I have blood stains on most of my shorts/pajamas. Awesome! Good thing I'm single. This is tragic.

Gaining on me

My doctor told me yesterday that as a "thin" person (bless her heart), I need to gain 35 pounds with this pregnancy. (I was thinking more like 25.) When I told her I had already lost 5, she said now I have to gain 40 pounds.

159 bpm!

Heard the heartbeat! Everything looks great - baby is growing right on track, although apparently I am having little contractions which I feel can't be good for her. (Doctor assured me it's very normal, and can just be your uterus stretching out or dehydration - cue me drinking like 8 more bottles of water and going to the bathroom every 15 minutes instead of the current every hour.)

I had to laugh that they typed out "BABY" on the ultrasound picture - in case you can't find it. (It looks like a blob, so I get it.)

And now I'm graduated from my awesome fertility doctor and go see the OB next week. Yikes!

#gobubblesgo

The next big hurdle

Really hoping to hear the heartbeat today. I'm particularly nervous because at 7.5 weeks, this would be further than any of the other pregnancies have gotten. NO pressure, Bubbles.
I have been feeling pretty nauseous all day lately as well. No puking, just a general lack of appetite and no desire to eat anything. Which means I've lost 5 pounds. Thanks, Bubbles! Let's keep it going. Until I gain like 30. Hoping this is a good sign, but I remain a ball of nerves. Apologies to those around me. God willing I'll only be like this for another 18 years. :)

Team Bubbles!

Saw the heartbeat in today's ultrasound. Shocked because I had some light spotting over the weekend, so thought I was probably out (although I don't recall any spotting with the other two miscarriages). Although it's still very early (6.5 weeks) and I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, this was the first "normal" ultrasound I've ever had. The doctor said her size and position looked great. I go back next week for another check and will *hopefully* hear the heartbeat, and then have an apt with the dr who will be my official OB on June 1.

Go Bubbles go!

Hanging in. Barely.

Good lord this waiting is tough. Monday's ultrasound feels an eternity away. Trying not to think about it too much (ha) and trying to stay off the internet (haha), but it's tough.

And baby fever is back - two good friends are pregnant, and both were hesitant to tell me. This makes me sad, even though I know they were just trying to protect my feelings. Girls. I am used to disappointment. Constant announcements of "in a relationship," "engaged," "married," "pregnant" and "pregnant AGAIN!" for the last 15 years has toughened me up.

Still hoping for a miracle with Bubbles. There's no reason it should work this time, but there's a chance it will, right?? RIGHT??

#teambubbles

Symptomspotting. The sequel to Trainspotting.

Because everyone does it, I of course obsess over symptoms. Last week, I didn't really have any. A weird night where I had red itchy bumps all over my body which mysteriously were gone the next morning. (Of course, I feared bedbugs and nearly burned my mattress in effigy.)

And the night before I decided to test for the first time, my dog slept with her head on my stomach. Which she never does. Thought maybe that was a sign.

This week, again not much. A few pangs and twinges in my abdomen, and some general nausea, but nothing very impressive. Which of course has me worried. But my mom said she never had ANY symptoms (no morning sickness, no sore boobs, no nothing) - aside from a ridiculous craving for cherry pie.

Bring it on.

Numbers game

Beta results from Friday: 186. (Anything over 50 is pregnant.) Of course, I've been here before. (Not quite this high, however.) Where I seem to have trouble is getting the HCG to double every 48 hours. So anxiously awaiting the results from today.

Aside from some pulls and pangs in my abdomen, I feel fine - which of course also has me concerned. Shouldn't my boobs be sore by now? Shouldn't I be feeling nauseous?? My poor mom wants to kill me already. Too bad I can't drink. Ha.

Feeling pretty positive

It's been a long week. Morning after morning, squinting to see a second line. Finally I caved and bought a digital test. This morning:

So Bubbles is in there. Of course, I've seen this twice before and it hasn't gone well, so I'm not letting myself get excited. Still have to get the blood test tomorrow to confirm. Then repeated blood tests next week to see if my HCG levels are doubling like they should (and they typically don't, so next week will be stressful as well). And then that first ultrasound around week 6 where god willing I see a normal looking something. Which I have not been lucky enough to see thus far. Come on Bubbles. #teambubbles

The struggle is real

Dating while possibly/secretly pregnant is tough.

You can't drink.
You can't eat sushi.
You can't do anything active like indoor skydiving/go-kart driving/rock wall climbing/rollercoaster riding (not that you would want to, but still).

And you can't say why. Which just makes you look like a total boring loser. Awesome.

Meet Bubbles.

Isn't she cute??

I sort of freaked when I saw this on Wednesday - it looks 100% different than last time. (Also, it looks like twins...) But it's not. It's my little girl embryo, hatching on her own. Aw. Such a go-getter already.

Also...95% sure I saw a second line on the pregnancy test this morning. It's still way early, but will keep testing every morning because I'm just that crazy.

#teambubbles

Almost there

Transfer date is Wednesday! First lining check was 7.4, second was 7.6 (they ideally want it to be 8). Hoping this final week pushes me closer to 8 (although in my mind, I'm like "round up - close enough!"). Started the dreaded progesterone in oil shots in my ass on Thursday, and although it's sore, it's not nearly as bad as last time. I'm sitting on a heating pad for about 5 minutes afterwards - guess it's helping! Have acupuncture the morning of the transfer and then again on Saturday. Blood test 4/28. GAH. So close, but yet....

April's gonna be a good month. I can feel it.

All systems are go for the FET - tentatively set for April 19. Went in yesterday for my baseline sonogram and everything looked AOK. Go back for a lining check next Thursday, then another one the week after with the dreaded PIO shots in the ass. I'm feeling weirdly optimistic this time. Which makes absolutely no sense, I know. Guess it can't hurt...

TWO FOR TWO

Yay! Both embryos are good! And I have a boy and a girl. How very Sophie's choice, amiright? Think I'm going to have the girl implanted first (because duh), and finally I'll have a back-up in case it doesn't work. I really can't believe it - thought for sure I would get zero.

Heading back to acupuncture today and probably again next week so try to get my body ready to roll.

Let's do this!

Normal? Abnormal? Who's to say.

Finally feeling like a human being again, just to get the call from the embryologist yesterday that only two little guys made it to genetic testing. She graded both "excellent," but unfortunately that grade doesn't make a difference to the chromosomal makeup. Hoping I get one good one back, but assuming I'll get none, since it's basically 30% at my age. This sucks! Not sure if I should try a third round or think about a donor embryo...would love for this baby to have my DNA, but it seems that my DNA may be a complete failure.

Oof

Four embryos are still growing strong, with a fifth slowpoke hanging around. I was hoping all five would make it to freeze, but I knew they wouldn't. In fact, I'm just hoping three make it. Won't know until Monday. But I feel AWFUL. My stomach cramps have been nearly debilitating, the bloat is gross, and yesterday I almost fainted twice and threw up in the car driving to work. (I did call the doctor and got checked out yesterday; everything is fine.) But I still feel crappy. I'm wondering if it's because I had twice as many mature eggs this time, so maybe it was harder on my body? Either way I feel like I'm 100. So glad I'm doing a frozen embryo; don't feel like I would be up to the challenge of implanting a fresh one.

Positive vibes for the four little embryos, please! Figure if I get to transfer one, I'll do another round of acupuncture that week and then the week after the transfer. Why not.

Fab 5

Update! 13 eggs, 8 mature, 5 fertilized (and 2 more on hold but probably out). So that's slightly better than last time (12 eggs, 4 mature, 4 fertilized).

And now we wait.

Feeling bad, hoping good

Had the egg retrieval yesterday, two days earlier than intended. The doctor told my mom they got 8-10 eggs (hoping it's closer to 10), and that they looked mature. (Remember, I had 12 last time but only 4 were mature.) I am super crampy and don't feel very well, but I'm anxiously awaiting a phone call from the doctor today letting me know the status. How many fertilized?? Please say a few did. I would hate to think I'm doing all of this to myself for nothing...

#hydrocodoneismyfriend

Sometimes I feel like it works for everyone but me.

This whole process is so horrible, and although I'm so thrilled when friends announce they're pregnant, it's also like a kick in the gut because I'm not. Or worse - I was. Twice. And I'm not anymore. I started the stims on Saturday, and have three dr's appointments this week to check the progress. I'm super nervous about it not working again, but I'm now considering embryo donors for the next round. It would be tough having a baby that wasn't genetically mine, but maybe if it grew in my belly I would feel partly responsible? The ironic bummer is that I donated my young healthy eggs at age 24. If only the fertility clinic in LA still had one left, I could use that! But that's highly doubtful. Had I known I would struggle, perhaps I would have saved one! #hindsight #20-20

Desperate times, desperate measures

Got the go-ahead to start injections this Saturday, with a tentative egg retrieval date of 3/15. I'm ready to get going, but so nervous it's not going to work. But trying some new things this time:

• acupuncture
• gluten-free diet
• coq10 supplements
• fish oil supplements
• barley supplements
• maca supplements
• baby aspirin
• Plus some new drugs: prometrium after the retrieval and Follistim instead of Gonal-F

Here's hoping...

#thirdtimesthecharm 

What's one more week

Went today for the baseline ultrasound and they found a cyst in my right ovary. So I have to take birth control pills for another week and go back next Monday to hopefully start again. Jesus. The waiting is the hardest part. (Shout-out, Tom Petty)

Healthy. Crap.

Had some bloodwork done to see if there was a reason for my miscarriages, and...nope. Everything came back just fine. I am going to take baby aspirin throughout just to help things, but MAN. The one time I'm hoping to hear there's something wrong with me.

Regardless, starting over with round 2 of IVF. I had the hysteroscopy yesterday, and everything inside looks good post-d&c. Found a new sperm donor, because the last guy was sold out. (Seriously. This keeps happening to me.) It's arrived safe and sound at my dr's office, and my $5000 of drugs came to the house today. Should be starting on the stims next Saturday. Here's hoping they grab like 20 eggs and 10+ are mature and fertilize. It's so frustrating hearing about friends going through this who got so many embryos they have 8 on ice! 8! Stupid 39-year-old eggs.

And I tried acupuncture last week. Infertility acupuncture. Personally I think it's all a bunch of hooey, but people swear by it so who am I to judge. Will go again before I get the egg retrieval, and then again after implantation.#voodoo

Mo money

I'm doing my taxes, and apparently fertility expenses are deductible. So I pulled my bank statements from all of 2016 and totaled it all up: I spent over $34,000!! And nothing to show for it! So crazy. I have a friend from high school who lives in London, and she has been traveling to Prague for fertility treatments because it's so much cheaper over there: $5000 for IVF and $1100 for donor embryos. In the US, this would be at least $20,000. Perhaps a trip to Prague is in order...

Can't I just find a baby in a dumpster like a normal person?

Finally talked to two adoption agencies that will at least entertain the idea of a single parent. However, I had NO IDEA adoption was so expensive - we're talking $40K. That's way more than IVF. I'm shocked. How in the world do normal people (not celebrities) do this?? Still going for IVF round 2, and then we'll see what happens. OY VEY

Damn, Gina.

Just got a rejection letter from an adoption agency because mothers giving up their babies for adoption are looking for "traditional" families. Literally:

"One thing adoption does offer, that single parenting does not, is a traditional family with which to place their child."

I find that a little offensive. First of all, what is a traditional family these days anyway? Just because I don't have a husband, I am not good enough to be a parent? Trying to do something good for humanity and still get rejected. Crap.

Slate: clean. Ish.

DNC went well, although I'm still bleeding a lot and just feel icky. But she got tissue out, which was the goal, and again reminded my mom and I that she felt strongly it would work the next time. I certainly hope so. This has not been particularly fun. The weirdest part of all is the not remembering anything. I mean, I don't even remember going into the operating room. Or how I got from the recovery room to my own room with my mom. Plus hours later I found a big sticky EKG patch on my chest and one on my back, and the next morning found a large bandaid on my shoulder from where I had apparently gotten a shot? What in the world goes on in those 15 minutes?? We may never know.

Plans

Have the DNC scheduled for Friday, and hopefully can get the bloodwork done in the next few weeks. Ready to try again, as crazy as that sounds.

O for 2

Well, crap. Went in for the ultrasound today and they found nothing. Nada. Zilch. No baby. No heartbeat. I'm a little surprised - my numbers were way better this time, and last time I was at least able to see the baby and a heartbeat. Back to square one. I have to wait to miscarry again, and then they want to run some tests to see if it's something I'M doing that's keeping this from working. The doctor was encouraging that this will work again, but it's so emotionally and financially draining I just don't know what to do next. Have an appt with a local adoption agency next week, just to keep my options open. This absolutely SUCKS.